The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
FUCK WHALES
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
