i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
