So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize