Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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