the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
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