Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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