i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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