and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
