Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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