so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
