So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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