I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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