Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
