It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
