The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
