wakey wakey hands off snakey
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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