help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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