You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
