I'm lost and stupid without you.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
