But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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