Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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