Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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