Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
