Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I have peed in a lot of sinks
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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