sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
you never un-have a 4some
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
