i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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