So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
