Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
