Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
