there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
