i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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