in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
