I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
