the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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