Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
