What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
