so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
