Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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