Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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