I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
