you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
