I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize