By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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