can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
