Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
