we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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