Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
