I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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