I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
When did we convert life to cartoon?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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