i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
