I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
