he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
