Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
