she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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