I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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