i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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