Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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