So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize