So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
