i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Randomize
