Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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