he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
