You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
