I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
50% drunk capacity currently
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
