If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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