apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Drunk is a universal language darling
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
