Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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