she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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