Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
