just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
