My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
