a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
