Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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