There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
