worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
