you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize